Trees, Queens and Carbs
Sat 2nd, Dec, 2017
(a fresh beauty from a few years ago)
Afternoon, woman in pink penguin pyjamas, rather nice small pup nearby, hair in messy bun, no make-up on (in actual fact, also unwashed) here.
I am sitting in a room with a leaning over very fresh, very nicely scented Christmas tree….on the SECOND of December.
I feel most uneasy with this scenario…but if you are on the Eastern seaboard of Australia, indeed, I assume anywhere in Australia and you see the fresh Christmas trees arrive you must run and bloody fast pronto and get one in the back of your car. GO TO buy the tree. Go directly to buy the tree. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Now, if you are like me and about shudder at the mere thought of tree which is not fresh (scarred deeply by the white tree I bought as a newly arrived, fresh off the boat migrant, which went nicotine yellow in the aussie sun, sheesh was awful) you must not only want a fresh tree but you must put in place, as December approaches, schemes to insure you actually get a tree.
And yes, although I had been steadfastly reusing to acknowledge christmas I had made a trip to the local farm shop to ascertain the exact date and time the fresh trees would be arriving. I had to go around the houses a bit…silly me to think the (lovely) girl in charge of the flower and plant department would know. She looked at me blankly. I was referred to a manager. Not an inkling, in fact looking at me as if I might as well have asked him to give me a ride to the moon. Silly me, of course it’s the guys in charge of stacking the vegetables who know about Christmas trees.
Indeed they did and I was told definitely the 6th of December which on my reckoning is about the same date every year.
Then yesterday, having picked up the youngest (and most handsome) of one’s offspring from the forecourt of the petrol station opposite his place of education and driving home happily minding our own business, conversing in faux Welsh (yes it’s a thing) and deciding quite how he was going to ‘ carb-up’ that afternoon (cheese and bacon roll, pink iced finger bun) we passed said shop where the Vegetable Stackers work and take me to the moon, there outside lined up were Christmas trees, with a hastily arranged green awning over them protecting them from the sun.
‘oh my god I don’t believe it!!!!”
‘**** the trees are in 5 days early’
‘We’ll have to come down tomorrow and get one’
‘Are you out of your mind? Change of plan….will get carb loading supplies, do a swift turn and get tree now.
‘But I have the (very) important third trial for the (very) impressive football team in a few hours time’
‘I don’t care if you’ve a chance to play with Ronaldo, or for that matter Rooney, I’m not going home without one of those trees.’
Which leads me to here, a late afternoon in Sydney, still in my pyjamas, not a present bought, but a very nice tree leaning on the side of my sitting room wall…