G’day from Mr Beach Cottage – my fun life in BC Land
Tue 26th, Oct, 2010
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G’day! My name is Mr BC. Well actually I don’t go around introducing myself as that as a rule, but I think I do round here ;-).
I’m told I am to call you BCer’s…and to tell you that my lovely wife Mrs BC has announced, while flying around on her broomstick, that she has writer’s-block and that my marital duties must now encompass blogging -her request was for a spouse guest post on Channel BC.
I must say I am very surprised at the request for my editorial talent, as it’s not really my thing.
But knowing that a happy wife is a happy life I give you my first post here at all things Beach Cottage & my notes on erecting IKEA industrial chic shelving (or that is the look we are going for so I’m told)
The following steps apply.
1. First off, you must accept that you need to spend 700 Ikea bucks to upgrade from the 300 Ikea bucks old (but perfectly satisfactory) brekkie room storage.
2. Transportation – not easy to get into car, requires operation to strap to roof bars, with special attention to avoid javelin style launches when meeting red traffic lights. Heavy, long and solid parts – very scary.
3. Store in garage for at least one week, preferably a month (use excuses along the lines of wood grain settlement, temperature acclimatisation and “sea-air” & coastal atmosphere erosion customisation).
4. Study instruction leaflet with patronising and precise diagrams that tell you nothing but the obvious.
5. Clear area (making the house unusable) and start moaning.
6. Lay out all parts, crack knee joints a few times, then crack open a beer.
7. Despite having purchased more wall plugs than anyone you know – find that you do not have enough. Trek to shop. Purchase more wall plugs.
8. Open additional parts and find that they do not come with screws etc. Give up for the day.
9. Purchase screws.
10. Find that you need longer screws with different size heads.
11. Try to “fudge-it” with alternate screws, then realise that entire kitchen crockery collection could fall on family.
12. Become tempted with the idea of a single man’s life – open another beer and daydream of the “good old days”. Give up for the day.
13. Purchase more screws. Get input from other males in the family
14. Don’t bother with ladder, balance on kitchen stool instead. Stretch and balance awkwardly whilst onlookers instruct “left a bit” and “right a bit”. Grit teeth. Swig beer.
15. Moan, tell kids off for not pulling their weight – because you are the only one working. Have a beer and peanuts break.
16. Get into your swing, and fit a few shelves where you think that they should go.
17. Remove all shelves (as lovely wife declares them to be totally wrong, think about shooting the foreman) and move a few millimetres in the instructed direction to make them “perfect”.
18. Ignore comments regarding preference to previous unit from wife & that she ‘hates it’, clear tools etc to garage and stay out of the way for a while with beer.
19. Think about living in an open-plan trendy new house with built in storage. Know you won’t be allowed one ever.
20. Ponder screws & screwing. Envisage the battle for the top shelf between bottles of the vintage glass variety and the speciality beer variety.
And that’s it from me
I am heading to the garage, wtih a beer
My name is
(p.s. if you bump into me in other circles I’d rather we lose the bc thing :-) )